Physically, I’m feeling bad again. Like how I felt before I found out about my heart issues in 2009. And I only found out about them because I ignored them and ended up at the hospital.
I should go see a doctor. I should be mature and take a step towards taking my health seriously. Im just too scared, you know? Blood tests, ultrasounds on my heart, ekgs. All of the tests they do. They scare me. They stress me out. I don’t want to spend weeks worrying and hiding from my friends.
And the worst thing about it is I know I shouldn’t smoke or drink or have half as much fun as I do. I’ve even been told to minimize the amount of physical activity I do. But I can’t. These are all things I do with my friends and the only thing that makes me happy is doing things with the people I love.
Am I crazy thinking id rather burn out young and happy, than live forever being miserable?
I don’t know. I think it’s time to stop rambling and sleep.